Just 23 more days left to call 2023, ‘last year’. And then we step in to another year. Pretty much a cycle, yeah? Do you think the Earth is orbiting much quicker than used to? Well, I just googled and surprisingly it does! Earth does spin faster now.
‘Recently, scientists recorded Earth’s full spin was 1.50 milliseconds shorter than 24 hours.’
Well, I always assume time is somewhat in a competition against us, and we cannot stop it. Anyway, going back to why I write this. It is to reflect on this year, 2023 and my own journey of self-care.
2023 has been the most emotionally challenging year that I’ve ever faced till now. It’s been a heck of a ride. Thereby, it’s been a time I’ve been feeling super dread, hopeless, sentimental, and stressed. I do have stressed at times, but not continuously, and it was never this challenging. This is probably the year that’s given me the most pain, and also the most strength. Rewinding to how I started it, I started with the goal of progression. It’s like every year I start with a special new year resolution, and 2023 it was, ‘progression, progression and progression.’
Clearly, I did progressed. I mean I completed my higher studies with “flying colors” lol, I started my own online freelancing small business in content marketing writing and social media + landed few gigs, I created more content on motivation, I progressed in my career, I started a podcast, I’m back on my workout routine again, and manages to continue it, I embraced self-care much more, I was able to make and maintain meaningful connections, and guess what I’m also back on Medium!
But most of all, I experienced the letting go part of life. Practically. That too for the first time. Honestly, losing my loved ones, is my biggest pain. This year has given me a huge void, which is really painful. I have theoretically realized life and its chaos, the temporariness from a very younger age. But practically experiencing it is a very different experience. That too personally.
But I decided I did not want to be that sad version. I wanted to revive back. Why? Because I love myself. And if there’s any person who’s taught me to love myself much more than I used to. That’s Las. And I figured out the best way to mitigate pain is to ask it or make it be your strength. Doesn’t sound sensible, but it does makes sense when you are aware of the reason for your downs, your pain or your stress. Make your stress, tribulations, and your hopelessness in to your strength, courage and patience. Make it the reason for your strength. Allow it. And you’ll realize the basic simplicity of life. I’m still in the process. I’m learning it. BUT I assure you, you’ll feel a change. Just like I did.
To go pass a trauma you also need external support. Proper external support. And I had my family, my close friends, movies, motivational content, change of routines, and yes Lassie herself. But most of all, my inner strength, which I’m vastly grateful for.
This year, I learned and experienced that pain is inevitable. It’s a part of life. It’s a slow process to recover from, which is completely fine. Because it’s about how you overcome it with endurance. Losing Lassie, there’s never been a day that I did not cry since the last three months. So, 2023 also records as the year that I have ever cried a lot. And I still shed a tear reflecting our beautiful memories. Now you might be wondering “who is Lassie” if you are new here.
Lassie is an angel who’s done and still does wonders to my life. She’s the bestest of best gift I’ve ever received, and wishes to receive on and on. My furry bestfriend, who’s given me nothing, but unchanging happiness and friendship for a lifetime. She’s like no other. Lassie is love. Lassie is family. Lassie is patience. Lassie is friendship. Lassie is an angel. I only have three bestfriends in my life: my God, my mom & my Las. I just lost one of 'em. I lost my happiness, my smile, my energy, my healer, my listener, a part of my heart. Simply, my sibling. The most innocent one. The kindest soul. The moment I saw her, I felt I need her. For all these 8 years the impact she's done is enormous that every memory fades in with a tear. I never abandoned her. Not even in her last. The very biggest gift she's given us for all these eight years and five months is, love. True, unchanging, consistent love.
That consistent trust, that connection is something I have never experienced and I will never experience unless it’s from her. So, unfortunately my angel bid a peaceful farewell three months ago, no matter how hard we tried to retain her. She left us with the most remarkable eight years and five months of our life. You know, we are incapable of controlling certain things. Like life and death. She came to my life being the last of the litter, and she was my choice. That is when I was eighteen. Usually, I always make the right decisions, and I’d say choosing Lassie was the best decision I’ve ever taken in my life. She is this one life, that’s never ever hurt me or given me pain in any way, in any slightest way. Sadly, the only pain, is through her demise.
This quote, from the exquisite classic, ‘the Iron Giant, 1999’ hits me at this moment, ‘I know you feel bad about the deer, but it’s not your fault. Things die. That’s part of life. It’s bad to kill, but it’s not bad to die. And souls don’t die. Mom says it’s something inside of all good things, and that it goes on forever and ever. Souls don’t die.’
And this one, ‘You are who you choose to be.’ So, I choose to transform my pain in to my strength. Yesterday, I continued reading ‘Think Like a Monk’ by the great Jay Shetty. The chapter I paused was the one about fear. It says, there are two types of fear. One is the beneficial fear and the other is the painful fear. Beneficial fear helps us or is advantageous as the name suggests. And painful fear is inevitable. To exemplify, fearing to eat junk food helps us control our diet and our physical health. Fearing the loss of our loved ones is painful fear. So, he says although the painful fear is unstoppable. We can transform it in to a beneficial fear. Like, if we decide to spend more time with our loved ones as long as we are alive. We transform that painful fear in to a benefit that lasts a lifetime. That is the process of learning and practicing unattachment. The letting go part of life. The letting go phase is tedious. It requires a persistent effort. But with the perseverance in understanding you win, some day.
Albeit, somethings are meant to remain forever. Like the love that’s touched our heart. The good lessons that dwells in our mind from every moment that touched our heart.
Henceforth, which is why this year ‘2023’ is the most painful, but also the year that’s made me the strongest. Helping me recover from a challenge that we all should one day. That is starting from, and thanks to my bestie.
So, my next goal for the next year and all the forthcoming years is to create a positive imprint on every heart I touch. Wow, it’s a super tough one and I know it’s extremely extreme. But I will try. In fact, I will do it. To be happy, and make others happy.
Seeing that, life is temporary. All that matters, is creating beautiful memories that will last a lifetime. Memories that will pass from generation to generation.
The biggest reflection for me this year is, whatever happens, what we go through. The power of transformation lies within us. It belongs to us. Solely. And how well you can control it depends on the extent we love our self. : )
Hence, regardless of how annoying and ungrateful I am for this year. I’ma also grateful for it. I’m grateful for all the setbacks that’s given me the choice to transform. In to the better.
